Being Ok in this Season of Sadness

Grief has been on my mind lately, especially with darkness starting earlier with the time change. A loss of a way of life. Bearing witness to the fragility of life as I spent a few months with my aging parents. 

 

My father is not the man I knew growing up. He’s gentler now with age and much slower. He used to have the sharpest mind with details coming quickly, but now he has to take a moment to recollect basic concepts.

 

When he started shifting, I was resistant and kept wanting him to rebound to the boisterous man I remember him being.

 

But that’s not to be. And it was unfair for me to project on to him.

 

When difficult emotions come up, we often numb ourselves by keeping busy so we don’t have to sit in it. We distract ourselves with noise and busyness.

 

But that misses the point. We’re then not being present to the moment - to what’s happening in front of us.

 

These past 20 months have been a time of loss - the collective loss of hundreds of thousands of people here in the U.S. We’re continuing to see the devastation across the world.

 

How did this grief show up in my body? Sometimes, it helps to name the things that are coming up for us. I didn’t appreciate that I was grieving when I was home because when you’re in it, you’re just managing to keep your head above water.

 

But after a couple of months in my hometown, I noticed a general sense of fatigue and it showed up as a heavy feeling in my heart area. A general antipathy towards things.

 

Due to my practices which I did hold on to, I just sat in the feelings and started observing what was going on around me.

 

I noticed that the news was always on in my parents’ home - the low hum of sadness - because after all if it bleeds, it leads in the news business.

 

I believe in staying informed but we don’t need the constant barrage of news. Instead, we can get the highlights once a day. 

 

I started to notice what the energy drainers are around me.

 

I also started seeing the joy in quiet moments with my father. We’d eat lunch together in the backyard, mostly in silence. And even though it was different, it was ok. I just appreciated the moment of being with him.

 

It’s these quiet moments that we miss when we’re wrapped up in our to-do list. We just blast past them in the act of staying busy.

 

As we know, change is inevitable, but it’s how we navigate it that’s crucial.

 

So how did I get myself out of the funk while away in Tennessee?

  • I took different routes when walking my dog. A change of scenery if you will.
  • I started a 30-day yoga challenge to get my body moving.
  • I ensured that I was drinking my water. 

 

You’ll notice that my shifts all had to do with my health habits.

 

We’re often so in our heads. Tweaking habits to get ourselves more in our body helps with shifting our overall outlook on life.

 

During this long pause, our daily life has been disrupted, and sameness has taken over. We may feel stuck and unable to change our circumstances. “That’s just the way things are.” A defeatist approach.

 

And when experiencing grief, it’s overwhelming.

 

When we’re leading organizations, there are so many demands on our time and we get overwhelmed, especially when we’re not prioritizing our health - that encompasses all - physical, mental, and emotional.

 

We just simply respond, “I’m fine.” “I’m busy.”

 

It starts with awareness - of our thoughts, our emotions, our bodies.

 

My invitation this week is to simply observe yourself without judgment.

 

I hope this serves. 

 

As always, be gentle and kind to yourself.

 

Shalini

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