Eeks, Was I the Debbie Downer?

It’s when sh*it hits the fan that our character gets tested. 

A team member not submitting their report. A board member demanding a last-minute meeting. The wireless going down when having to upload a proposal.

My internal responses used to look like this - “Irk, don’t they see I have too much on my plate to run after them to do their job” or “I don’t have time for this!”

I didn’t necessarily realize this was my internal commentary. I thought I was handling the pressure well because hey, it got done, didn’t it. 

And yet, it’s when I took a leadership assessment 9 years ago - it told a different story.

The assessment measured my behavior when things were going well and when they weren’t. 

My baseline when things were going well was positive in that I was pleasant to be around and had a generally good attitude. 

But when stressful events occurred (which is life), my energy plummeted to catabolic energy: draining and resisting. Essentially, I was consumed with feelings of annoyance and frustration.

You know what it looks like when someone’s in a bad mood. They come into a meeting, and they radiate an energy that they do NOT want to be there. 

As a colleague, you can attempt to match their energy with positivity. However, if it's a leader holding that energy, then it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to change the dynamic. 

Others will begin to feel the stress, and the energy of the room will go down. This isn’t healthy.

We can all sense each other’s energy. Our emotions are contagious. 

Has it ever happened that you're in a great mood but after a conversation with a ‘debbie downer’ in your life, your mood goes down?

So if I was operating in catabolic energy when it was stressful, then that impacts those around me.

And sadly, nearly 85% of leaders operate from a catabolic space. 😳 

Below is a chart of the 7 different levels of energy (levels 1-2 = catabolic; levels 3-7 = anabolic). The assessment showed that I lived at levels 1 and 2 when I was stressed out - I was focused on the problems.

Where do you find yourself? 

Don’t be hard on yourself if you see yourself in levels 1 and 2. 

Awareness is the first step. It’s what we do with the awareness that’s key. 

We’re often unaware of our reactions and thoughts because we’re busy with our work, our loved ones, our commitments. 

And yet, it takes a moment of awareness to change the game.

We want to strive to operate from an anabolic energy level (level 3 and up).

As anabolic leaders, we operate from a constructive and expansive space. We’re able to inspire others and be more open to possibilities. We tend not to judge things as good and bad, but instead simply as is. Therefore, we’re focused on the solutions.

And this anabolic energy isn’t limited to our work, instead, it permeates all areas of our life. 

I remember a dear friend noticed that I was showing up with more vulnerability and openness and that deepened our friendship.

Next time a stressor occurs, first take a replenishing breath that helps ground you and then take notice of your internal thoughts. 

Is the response “why is this happening to me” or “why is this happening for me” (an opportunity for growth)? Listen to how you talk about your work, your team, your loved ones. 

And once you’re tapped into your awareness, then try these three ideas: 

1. Acknowledge where you’re at. It doesn't serve you to be harsh with yourself. By honoring the now, then you’re able to make an empowered decision to shift.

2. Accept your current circumstances. It takes time to change behavior. By accepting the reality of your reactions, then you can chart out how you want to show up moving forward. (It took time for me to accept that I was at levels 1 and 2 because I had a different perception of myself.)

3. Create a Leadership Mantra. Write down a mantra that’ll serve you. Put it on a post-it note that you’ll see regularly. Positive affirmations are energetic and have been proven to boost your mood and self-esteem. (Mine was “there’s strength in being vulnerable, and it’s ok to ask for help.” This was my desire not to have an energy 2 level of “I have to do it alone.”)

Today, I still find myself occasionally in levels 1 and 2, but with my practices of awareness, I’m able to energetically shift quickly and not stay there. 

And then I approach the stressor with more awareness and an ability to respond in a way that’s congruent with my values, instead of reacting.

Hope this serves.

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Until next time, as always, be gentle & kind to yourself. 

Shalini